On Spiritual Direction

Since leaving full-time church ministry, lots of folks have asked me some version of the question: “What are you doing with your time?”

Healing, resting, and fortifying myself for the journey with IVF (and now pregnancy) have been some important answers to that question. Establishing this writing practice and creating community with all of you readers has been another important answer. In addition to these things, since early October I’ve also been engaged in a regular practicum for certification in Spiritual Direction through Still Harbor.

If you’re wondering: what’s spiritual direction? you’re not alone. I learned about it in the early days of my ministry. Mostly out of necessity.

Even though I loved leading worship and being invited into the intimate moments of peoples’ lives and journeying with a community, I soon learned that leading a church was different from being part of a church. I was pouring myself out and being a vessel for the divine to work through me. And so, I wasn’t receiving or being filled up in the same way that I’ve experienced as a community member. I was offering spiritual care, but I needed to find a way to receive it, too. I needed to fortify my own spirituality, what Still Harbor defines as “the connection between self, others, and All That Is.”¹² This is where spiritual direction came in.

Spiritual direction—also known as spiritual accompaniment or spiritual friendship—is a deep listening modality that assumes the presence of the divine. Different from listening for diagnoses (as a mental health provider might) or with specific outcomes in mind (as a coach might), a spiritual director listens simply to “journey with, or accompany someone in their relationship with All That Is.”³ An image of this from class that I loved is that when someone is engaged in spiritual direction, there are always three chairs in the room. One for the self. One for the other (the spiritual director or companion). And one for All That Is. Spiritual direction assumes and holds open that chair for the sacred, the divine.

A more fulsome definition of Spiritual Direction can be found on Still Harbor’s website:

“Spiritual direction is the process of contemplative listening carried out in the context of a one-to-one trusting and confidential relationship. A trained spiritual director journeys with another person, listening to that person’s life story with attention to the movement of the spirit or sacred, offering supportive responses as appropriate and encouraging reflection about new paths of growth.”

In seeking out spiritual direction over the past decade or so, I have experienced spiritual renewal through times of consolation, companionship through discernment, and the gift of remembering I am neither alone nor wrong to sometimes experience the desolation of wading through the muck. God is there for all of it.

As my personal discernment and discussions with Lucas—about the potential to grow our family and my future in (or out of) the church—started to have more clarity, I also started to wonder whether spiritual direction was a good fit for my gifts. One-on-one conversations have always been one of my favorite parts of ministry. I love hearing about peoples’ lives, especially as they reflect on the presence (or wrestle with the seeming absence) of the divine. In those sacred moments, I experience what the Psalmist described as “deep calling unto deep.” (Psalm 42:7) It is a sacred privilege to bear witness to a human spirit connecting to the Spirit that is the source and sustainer of us all.

Although there is a great training program in the metro area (PrairieFire, through Mind & Spirit Counseling Center, formerly known as the Des Moines Pastoral Counseling Center), there were some reasons that Still Harbor was a better fit for me at this season in my life. A nine-month practicum, Still Harbor takes advantage of the pastoral training and professional experience I already have. Barring unforeseen circumstances, I will graduate and be certified in June of 2023. When I applied to the program, I didn’t know where we would be in our journey with fertility, but the timing couldn’t be better.

I was also drawn to the fact that Still Harbor makes explicit their understanding of spiritual care and the pursuit of justice working hand in hand. Still Harbor is an institution that understands spiritual direction can be one tool among many in the work of collective liberation. The belief that when people are healed and whole and free to fully live into who God made and calls them to be, it will move the whole world closer to that healing and wholeness, freedom and shalom.

One of the ways Still Harbor embodies this is by centering queer and trans leadership. There’s no forgetting or sweeping under the rug the fact that religious and spiritual violence has been done (and continues to be perpetrated) against people in queer communities.

This centering of queer and trans leadership with the intention that our healing work might be offered in pursuit of collective liberation has attracted a diverse cohort from across the country. We gather with great intention via zoom—whether it’s through the great soundtrack individuals contribute to as class DJ for each session to help set the mood and lift our spirits, or the strong teaching our co-facilitators offer, or the ability to immediately put into practice what we’ve learned through breakout sessions each class. It’s been amazing to experience how a community gathered entirely online can be a real, vibrant, vulnerable, and connected group of humans. I look forward to each class and am learning so much!

In the midst of this learning and growing and practicing, I’m getting to the point where it’s time to start practicing with some people who aren’t my classmates. So I’m starting to build a list of potential practice clients who could commit to an hour a month for three months, starting in late February or early March. Sessions could be in person or via zoom or similar technology.

To honor other kinds of relationships and boundaries, folks I sit with as a spiritual director should not be my family or friends or folks I’ve pastored in the last five years or so. If you fall into one of these categories and are interested in learning more about spiritual direction and/or being referred to a spiritual director, let me know and I’ll help you find someone who isn’t me! If you don’t fall into one of these categories and are interested in starting a relationship built on deep listening (or even if you’re just curious and would like to know more) let me know! You’d be helping me meet some professional goals and it would be my privilege to journey with you.

Who knows what life and my time will look like once there is a fully dependent human in it. But my hope is to start offering my services as a spiritual director in a more regular and professional capacity later in 2023. More on that when the time is right.

Whatever you’re doing with your time in these wintering months, dear friends, I hope at least some of it is filling your bucket, renewing your spirit, and keeping you connected to your Source.

Much love,

Lindsey

1. Still Harbor Spiritual Direction Practicum Curriculum, 2022.10.15

2. Note that “All That Is” is Still Harbor language that is encompassing of many religious and spiritual understandings of what may also be named God, the Divine, the Great Spirit, the Sacred, the Universe, etc.

3. Still Harbor Spiritual Direction Practicum Curriculum, 2022.10.15