I am in such awe of your honesty, your willingness to share, and the simple idea that you were enduring all of this in the midst of a global pandemic, while things at "the office" were more than just a little bit, let's just say, out of whack! The compartmentalization, the boundaries, the energy, all of the things that had to be going on while you went about your "normal day." It amazes me and makes me sad for you. I am glad this part of your journey is under different circumstances. I really understand your candor and honesty about feeling jealous of women who have had the experience of pregnancy, even if it ends in miscarriage. I had a miscarriage after we had Charlie and before Sarah. I was so devastated and feared I would never again be able to carry a baby full term. And yet I was also aware how much worse it would have been had I not had Charlie already. It makes sense and it is the simple truth of the process and experience. Continuing to send so much love and prayers for the intersection of science and care to result in your ultimate goal. You are not alone, not by a long shot. And yet your journey is still unique. Blessings!
Lindsey: Reading this essay brought me back to very familiar territory in an earlier chapter of my life. Back 25-30 years ago I taught anatomy & physiology at the college level. My master’s degree “elective” classes centered on reproductive physiology, but for horses. I assisted an equine veterinarian in developing a “stallion station”. In our practice, I handled the male part of the equation, and he the female. Our procedures for assessing mares, who ovulate seasonally, could vary wildly in their estrus cycles (different from human females). Like you and Lucas’ wild timing protocols, we were fighting God’s design for a successful pregnancy by trying to get a mare’s estrus to start earlier in the year than they normally did. This stupid practice was done because the breed registries for most of the equine breeds categorize foals (the babies) by the year they were born. So all foals born in the calendar year 2022 turn 1 year old on January 1, 2023. So, if you are showing or racing, a foal born in February of 2022 will be much more developed on January 1 than a foal born in June of 2022. Because breeders wanted earlier foals for competition, there was pressure to get mares pregnant earlier and earlier. Anyway, to get mare’s to cycle earlier we would use incandescent lights so that their eyes were exposed to the day/night cycle for June 21 to get their brains to believe it was summer and time to turn on the ovaries. This was sometimes so successful that a foal may be born in December of the year, which meant that in 4 weeks they would be a year old....those foals were usually kept hidden with their moms so that their “birthday” was say, on January 5th....
I share this so that you may laugh a bit and know that God is as much in support of your efforts as He (remember, I am LCMS...) loves and supports you and Lucas. The road you are traveling is challenging (no shit!) and very emotionally challenging, which of course has an effect on your cycles. Your humor and faith are great allies for you and Lucas on this journey. Please know that I hold you both (all 3 of you, actually) in prayer each day, and I know that the love of God in Christ Jesus permeates every part of your being, both physical and emotional.
If you want a visual to make you laugh: One evening I had ordered a shipment of equine semen from a stallion in North Carolina. The mare in Tucson was assessed by my partner that she would be ovulating in the next 36-48 hours, based on ultrasound examination of the ovary. The semen was scheduled to be delivered via Delta Airlines Freight at around 9:30 that night. The guys at Delta and UPS knew me as “Dr Sperm” after I explained what these blue ABS plastic containers contained in their cooled core. That evening I taught Confirmation at my church and decided to just hang out at the church till the shipment would be in. So, I walked into Delta around 9:15 and the guys at the counter started laughing....I was wearing my clerical shirt and one of them said “Father Sperm”? We laughed as I explained my then tri-vocational life. Knowing that the mare needed to be inseminated that evening, I drove across town in my big red crew-cab dually pickup and went to the mare owner’s barn, got the mare our of her stall, prepped her and inseminated her (intrauterine). The owner heard my truck and came out to chat and saw me with my plastic sleeved arm in the vagina of her mare with a large syringe attached to a 2 foot long catheter with the semen in it. She saw my collar (I guess she didn’t know I was also a Pastor), ran in the office and grabbed her camera and snapped a picture of the sight. Unfortunately, the picture didn’t survive. I had planned to submit it to The Lutheran Witness for a story on bi-tri-vocational Pastors.....God be with you, dear Lindsey and Lucas! Love ya, Padre.
Thank you for your prayers and for sharing this story, Padre! I really wish I could see that picture, but the mental image in and of itself is pretty excellent. New avenues for bi-vocational ministry - ha!
I am in such awe of your honesty, your willingness to share, and the simple idea that you were enduring all of this in the midst of a global pandemic, while things at "the office" were more than just a little bit, let's just say, out of whack! The compartmentalization, the boundaries, the energy, all of the things that had to be going on while you went about your "normal day." It amazes me and makes me sad for you. I am glad this part of your journey is under different circumstances. I really understand your candor and honesty about feeling jealous of women who have had the experience of pregnancy, even if it ends in miscarriage. I had a miscarriage after we had Charlie and before Sarah. I was so devastated and feared I would never again be able to carry a baby full term. And yet I was also aware how much worse it would have been had I not had Charlie already. It makes sense and it is the simple truth of the process and experience. Continuing to send so much love and prayers for the intersection of science and care to result in your ultimate goal. You are not alone, not by a long shot. And yet your journey is still unique. Blessings!
Thank you for your kind affirmation and continued prayers, Jen. Blessings on you head!
Lindsey: Reading this essay brought me back to very familiar territory in an earlier chapter of my life. Back 25-30 years ago I taught anatomy & physiology at the college level. My master’s degree “elective” classes centered on reproductive physiology, but for horses. I assisted an equine veterinarian in developing a “stallion station”. In our practice, I handled the male part of the equation, and he the female. Our procedures for assessing mares, who ovulate seasonally, could vary wildly in their estrus cycles (different from human females). Like you and Lucas’ wild timing protocols, we were fighting God’s design for a successful pregnancy by trying to get a mare’s estrus to start earlier in the year than they normally did. This stupid practice was done because the breed registries for most of the equine breeds categorize foals (the babies) by the year they were born. So all foals born in the calendar year 2022 turn 1 year old on January 1, 2023. So, if you are showing or racing, a foal born in February of 2022 will be much more developed on January 1 than a foal born in June of 2022. Because breeders wanted earlier foals for competition, there was pressure to get mares pregnant earlier and earlier. Anyway, to get mare’s to cycle earlier we would use incandescent lights so that their eyes were exposed to the day/night cycle for June 21 to get their brains to believe it was summer and time to turn on the ovaries. This was sometimes so successful that a foal may be born in December of the year, which meant that in 4 weeks they would be a year old....those foals were usually kept hidden with their moms so that their “birthday” was say, on January 5th....
I share this so that you may laugh a bit and know that God is as much in support of your efforts as He (remember, I am LCMS...) loves and supports you and Lucas. The road you are traveling is challenging (no shit!) and very emotionally challenging, which of course has an effect on your cycles. Your humor and faith are great allies for you and Lucas on this journey. Please know that I hold you both (all 3 of you, actually) in prayer each day, and I know that the love of God in Christ Jesus permeates every part of your being, both physical and emotional.
If you want a visual to make you laugh: One evening I had ordered a shipment of equine semen from a stallion in North Carolina. The mare in Tucson was assessed by my partner that she would be ovulating in the next 36-48 hours, based on ultrasound examination of the ovary. The semen was scheduled to be delivered via Delta Airlines Freight at around 9:30 that night. The guys at Delta and UPS knew me as “Dr Sperm” after I explained what these blue ABS plastic containers contained in their cooled core. That evening I taught Confirmation at my church and decided to just hang out at the church till the shipment would be in. So, I walked into Delta around 9:15 and the guys at the counter started laughing....I was wearing my clerical shirt and one of them said “Father Sperm”? We laughed as I explained my then tri-vocational life. Knowing that the mare needed to be inseminated that evening, I drove across town in my big red crew-cab dually pickup and went to the mare owner’s barn, got the mare our of her stall, prepped her and inseminated her (intrauterine). The owner heard my truck and came out to chat and saw me with my plastic sleeved arm in the vagina of her mare with a large syringe attached to a 2 foot long catheter with the semen in it. She saw my collar (I guess she didn’t know I was also a Pastor), ran in the office and grabbed her camera and snapped a picture of the sight. Unfortunately, the picture didn’t survive. I had planned to submit it to The Lutheran Witness for a story on bi-tri-vocational Pastors.....God be with you, dear Lindsey and Lucas! Love ya, Padre.
Thank you for your prayers and for sharing this story, Padre! I really wish I could see that picture, but the mental image in and of itself is pretty excellent. New avenues for bi-vocational ministry - ha!